I have never considered flipping that mythical magic switch because I was depressed…
I have considered flipping it…
… because I was in horrific pain.
… because I was emaciated and puking my guts out.
… because I was so weak and exhausted that I could barely lift my head off the pillow for days on end.
… because I was so weak and exhausted that I didn’t take a shower for weeks.
… because I was so weak and exhausted that all I could stomach was a single Ensure shake choked down once a day for weeks.
… because I feared being incapacitated and intubated.
… because I was terrified of suffocating.
… because I feared being put on life support against my wishes.
… because I was so weak I couldn’t open a jar of spaghetti sauce. (I just laid down and went without eating for yet another day)
… because I felt totally emasculated.
… because I felt totally useless.
… because the ability to do the things that gave my life meaning were stripped away from me.
… because I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone.
… because I saw no dignity in pointless suffering.
… I repeat: I have never entertained flipping that mythical magic switch because I was depressed.
All that said, please don’t worry about me. With the help of medical science, medical professionals, family, friends, and neighbors, I got through all the existential trials and crises above. And I still have lots of things to live for.